Mormonism and Depression

2011-06-06T16:50:00.000-07:00

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4403731&page=1

pretty clear that teeth is not the issue in Utah's resident's mental health. that's kind of scary to me. I'm a mormon, and much of my life (7 years) i've spent in extreme depression since my time as a missionary for the LDS church.

the missionary program is a more concentrated group of about 50,000 people throughout the world, mostly 19-21 year old males. So, you don't get a lot of sob stories from that crowd, it's a badge of honor to go on a mission, and I, like most others - had a passion to serve and went voluntarily.

The mission rules are a psychologist's nightmare. Sadly, in two short years, most missionaries are broken psychologically in ways they never recover from. to understand why this happens, one only needs to look at rules they are to live by.

a few of them:

1. No contact with family for 2 years, minus a short (time limited to 1 hour) phone call on mother's day, and another on christmas. After which, we were expected to continue working. I did this happily; I didn't know it would lead to bad mental health - I thought I was serving the Lord, so I gladly accepted.

2. Rules dictating every move for 2 years. time to wake, time to study, time to eat each meal, and time to be done eating. time to go to bed, time to plan next day. All events were to begin and end at the time dictated by the mission program.

If you break any of the mission rules, (no matter how small, so we were always told) god would not be pleased with our mission, and our work would not be "blessed" by his hand.

so, at the end of giving 2 years of your heart and soul, if you feel that you were not very successful, obviously, you probably did not keep all of the rules, and the Lord chose not to bless your work.

pretty simple really -

the mission program is not the only place in the LDS church that puts this type of pressure on the mormons. Mormon life is dictated and mormons are punished/rewarded by god very similar to this for the rest of their lives, throughout their time spent among the membership in "good standing..."

too bad, even being in "good" standing, mormons will never truly feel they are good people.

The mission program is kind of like Mormon Rules on Steriods with your psychological personal trainer holding a whip standing in the back of your mind at all times.

i finally left the church last year and basically committed social suicide, but at least I do not feel unworthy for possibly not working hard enough on my mission, or in my mormon "calling..." (that is how the mormon church can operate with local clergy that receive no pay. they simply tell you you've been 'called' to lead a local congregation, and you then have the privilege of working a second job, with zero pay. if you do not accept your calling, the lord is displeased with you).

hopefully i can move on with life, and somehow find a way to become a normal, healthy functioning human being, with 29 years of counterproductive LDS indoctrination ingrained into my head.

long road, but it's all i got left.

Like many missionaries who serve and have a similar experience as me - a nervous breakdown near the end of the 2 year period - I contemplated suicide very often.

many missionaries go through with it. It still crosses my mind, but I am a fighter.

unfortunately, as part of the fight, I've had to leave mormonism though; so add insult to injury, now my family and wife view me as a "non-worthy" person.

could very many people (minus the personality types that get a rush from going with the grain, and simply doing what they're told, without giving decisions any real critical thought) really live the mormon experience without ending up psychologically damaged? Nearly every mormon I know struggles so deeply with decision-making skills - they seem nearly helpless at each fork in the road they come to. No self-esteem either - for "man is nothing."

that exact phrase is from one of the cannonized scriptures, along with many other similar messages.

many will say it's not LDS's fault. I used to defend the church the same way - especially at the points of my life when I was the most vulnerable and psychologically dependent on it. Often abuse victims speak highly of their abusers, because the abusers have subtly put themselves in situations where the abuse victim needs to get all of their support from them, emotional, financial, whatever... Word to all of the mormons who simply "can't even imagine" how the LDS church is being abusive... a member of a cult never knows they're in a cult. Mind control never feels like mind control.

they say they aren't being controlled, yet, ask a mormon to skip just 1 church meeting 1 sunday.

you will see extreme anxiety build in their face. they will be afraid. they will reject your invitation, somehow, some way.

you see, there are many many blessings they instantly fear will be missed, and even possible "bad things" or "cursings" that just might happen if they ever decide to "step out of the church for some fresh air" and a new perspective...

that's what I did, and it's called apostasy. it's a long, hard road.

it's really a no win. depressed if you stay in. lonely, arduous struggle if you leave.

pick your poison. From the current health of utah, it's very evident that it is indeed poison.

tough words to hear if you're mormon. sorry guys and gals. you gotta step out and re-think the restoration. Get some books about the early church - do lots of research, and think with your own brains.

it will hurt at first, but in the long run, it's the best way to turn things around. It's not fun to find out the church isn't true. but the material and sources are credible, and they are available to you.

I don't profess to be a believer in any religion now. I believe in god, but the mormons showed me too vividly and dangerously how man's ideas - and traditions passed down from one generation to the next without being questioned - can hijack the very ideal and image of god inside your brain, and turn him into someone angry, vindictive, and downright scary to disobey.

the good-guy image of god in your head that sometimes stops in to say hi - that's the real god.

you'll find that he still talks to you after you leave the mormon version of him. think of it as: you'll still have a fine relationship with god - only shed some of the untrue/negative side effects of LDS's interpretation of him.

you can do it. it's about time we changed these numbers around. thanks to these researchers, we've been made aware. Now it's our turn to crank up that brain and start exercising your power to gather information, and go with your gut. You called it "the spirit" as a mormon. After you leave, you'll notice that you still have it. It's a big wonderful world, dive in.

i said I was depressed - but I want to clarify. I am light years ahead than I was as far as self-confidence, self-esteem, and understanding/overcoming my nervous breakdown experience as a missionary, now that I left the church. I have a ways to go. But, that's life. It won't be quite as hard, as more and more people these days are finding out long-hidden and twisted facts regarding J.Smith, and exiting the church. the more of us that leave - the more support we'll have.

google awaits your dangerous questions. you're smart. you'll be able to discern those sites that are just trying to make money sensationalizing stuff - and others that are just trying to get you to join their church -

be smart and fact check. you might be surprised though, at which side has bent more of the facts, during the course of the history of the church. You might want to sit down first.

let it take a while to sink in too. it will not feel good, you will not "like" what you first learn. Very similar to the day you found a receipt in your parents' bedroom for those shoes Santa bought you. That didn't feel good either, but you would probably admit you're better off today having learned the truth - rather than if you still firmly believed in Santa as an adult....

life still has plenty of magic and plenty of surprises. possibly more, now that i'm more open and ready to see life in a more accurate light.

let go of the fear. let it stop you no more. god does not, would not - and never will force or scare his children into doing "what's right." He already made you right. Just be. You might find more that god put inside you too, now that you're giving yourself permission to be OK as a regular human, who makes mistakes.

being perfect and looking down on everyone else who makes different choices than you is so 1900's.....

all the best. it's out there waiting 4 ya.

500 Years

Mormonism and Depression